Hey, you never know...

When you'll suddenly owe $16 million...

it could happen to you

yesterday, 10 co-workers from an insurance company in new jersey discovered they had won a cool $216 million in the mega-millions lottery.  

presumably there are more than 10 employees at this company.  so you have to wonder, when asked to contribute to the pool, how many people said "no thanks."  and more importantly, how many of those people resisted hanging themselves.  

secretary of state miley cyrus

miley cyrus is getting flack from asian-americans for a seemlingly racist photograph taken with her seemlingly racist friends.

my favorite part of this picture?  the asian dude who just simply looks at the camera when instructed to look asian.  

mazal tov...it's a kidney!

48 year old, Kimberly Johnson had her kidney removed through her vagina, in what is now being dubbed, the worst gynecological check up of all time.  

it's furry!

Holy Makeover, Batman

During the Superbowl, Brenda Warner (wife of Arizona Cardinals quarterback Kurt Warner), received the obligatory "wife of the qb" air time.  With her G.I. Joe crew cut effectively burned into my brain, I was stunned to see...well..hair for one thing.

Before:

 

After:

Nerds!!

Here's a Superbowl edition of Seperate at Birth.  Which person recently led his team to a Superbowl championship, and which has an unhealthy hatred for the literate?

                                   

I'm fairly certain Big Ben colored that "7" on his jersey during Arts and Crafts time--to his credit, probably without the aid of a stencil.

It's Alive!

News flash: Steve Jobs is alive.

While making his opening remarks at a recent event, the Apple CEO joked about the speculation of his death with a sign that read, "The reports of my death are greatly exaggerated."




He was then plugged into a Mac Book Pro to be recharged.

The Colonel's Secret Recipe

Kentucky Fried Chicken is beefing up security measures to ensure their Original recipe remains just that...original.

Is that really necessary? You're telling me we can identify the 25,000 genes that make up the human genome, but not the 11 herbs and spices that make up Colonel Sanders' Original Recipe?

I'm fairly certain if we simply hand Gordon Ramsay a drumstick he could crack the code. Although, he would likely then berate and belittle the moron who suggested he do this ridiculous exercise in the first place.

My apologies Mr. Ramsay. Love the show.

Nsync to Reunite?

According to Lance Bass, Nsync is set to reunite...in 5 years...

“It could be possibly a year, it could be five years from now,” Bass said. “Depends on everyone’s schedules kind of aligning together.”

Which begs the question...what schedules? Did Celebrity Circus get renewed? Is Randy Jackson presenting another season of America's Best Dance Crew? Did Chris Kirkpatrick use up all of his paid-leave at Pizza Hut? Does Pizza Hut actually offer paid-leave to its employees?

What Lance really means, is it depends on whether Justin Timberlake actually remembers who they are.

Yes, that's a Grammy in his hands.

the award for greatest side effect goes to...

symbicort!!

because lord knows the one thing i look for in an asthma medication is a side effect increasing the chances of me dying from say...an asthma attack.

http://www.mysymbicort.com/symbicort/index.aspx?#isi

i can't wait till someone starts manufacturing a cholesterol medication that induces heart attacks.

don't mess with the swaze

patrick swayze is apparently rallying against reports he is ending his acting career because of his battle with pancreatic cancer. swayze reportedly pulled out of his latest project "fired up", where he was set to play a gay cheerleading coach.

...

ok, who else is thinking cancer might be his best career move yet?

personally i'm looking for swayze to resurrect his career in road house 2, just like sylvester stallone did with rambo 18.

oh wait...the studios have already milked that cash cow...

goodbye jin.

** spoiler alert** do not contin JIN DIED!!!!

if that ruined the episode for anybody...well too bad, you should've watched it when it aired. i wish more websites would do that.

anyway, the bad news--we found out that jin made it off the island but died somehow. my first instinct is he met his maker while fighting 12 polar bears and a black cloud...but i guess we'll have to wait to find out.

the good news is they've done it in a way so that jin is still on the show. thank god for flash-forwards!

side note--i've noticed an alarming trend that when someone is arrested for drunk driving, they are killed in the show. ana lucia...libby...and now jin...

i was originally looking for a picture of just jin...but anytime you can add sun and kate into the mix you gotta roll with it. and yes, they get an extra big picture.

this is not how i met your mother

kids...this is not how i met your mother.

that will hopefully be bob saget's opening line in the premiere of how i met your mother when britney spears is set to guest star. as himym is on the bubble to be renewed i am willing to accept any cheap trick in the book to get ratings--even if it means bringing a walking time bomb like tick tock spears on for an episode.



on a brighter note, to offset the craziness, sarah chalke (of scrubs fame) has been brought on to play a dermatologist turned love interest for ted! and as co-creater thomas craig so aptly puts it, "we already know she looks damn good in a lab coat."



couldn't have said it any better t.c.

condom anyone?

according to a new report from the cdc, nearly 1 in 4 teen girls have an std.

and who says jamie lynn isn't a role model???

happy birthday walker, texas ranger

on this glorious day in 1940, chuck norris punched out of his mother's womb and introduced himself to the world.

which begs the obvious question: who would win in a fight--chuck norris or an attack helicopter??

tops in the box office

continuing george lucas' trend of filming prequels only after the original was released, 10,000 b.c. (prequel to apocalypto) was tops in the box office raking in a little over $35 million.

i look forward to the final installment of this trilogy, 13.7 billion b.c., where a small, courageous particle collides with a bigger, tyrannical one which leads to the birth of our universe.

Black Sheep

women on the web (http://www.wowowow.com/), a new website aimed towards women over 40, was launched this past weekend by lesley stahl from 60 minutes and other various women in the media and entertainment industry.

at first i was a bit confused as to how they decided on the url wowowow. women on the web...on the web...on the web? and after seeing all the celebrity contributors i now see that it stands for white women...on the web...and whoopi.

talk about being the black sheep.

Matt Damon & Wife Expecting 2nd Child

matt damon and his wife are expecting their second child later this year. while in labor, i fully expect baby bourne to stealthily escape the womb and phone damon from a rooftop across the street while pointing a sniper rifle at his head.

mo money mo problems

lindsey lohan has come out and blamed work stress for her substance abuse problems. "i had a lot of work stress because i was constantly working and never took time to stop."

with emotionally charged performances in 'just my luck' and 'herbie fully loaded' who couldn't see this coming? i mean i'd break down too if i found out all my luck had been stolen and my car was alive.

networks: 1 writers: 0

les moonves told investors this morning that cbs' "financial picture was not affected negatively in any way shape or form." moonves further added that they were able to manage costs "in ways that that will allow us to operate more efficiently going forward." i.e. less scripted shows--more hidden gems like "my dad is better than your dad."

awesome. oh, and the cherry on top?

moonves goes on to say there was a lot of wasted spending in the past--"you don't need to spend $5 million on a pilot."

so i just want to make sure i get all of this straight:

not only have the writers been unemployed the last 4 months, but they are returning to a landscape that will provide them with fewer jobs and less money???

well at least writers can fall back on all their internet residuals.

...

i look forward to their next strike in 2011.

is it just me or do they actually look happy to be on strike...